Physical vs. Mental
on Jun21 2010Time-out for a bit of real life.
At times we discover that the only thing holding us back is our limitations. We discover this when we make an effort . . . try to do something we’ve never done, or haven’t done in a while. Going through college I remember averaging at least 1 all-nighter every week or so. A few years ago I tried to do something similar for an all-night “Lock-in” game of indoor paintball, one that began at 6:00pm and ended at 6:00am the following morning. In the weeks and days leading up to it, it seemed like a good idea. About 2 hours into it, it was still a good idea. From about 9:00pm onward, I felt like I could have slaughtered a cuddly white lamb with my teeth just so I’d have something to use as a pillow. It was 3:00am that I realized that I’m not built for such activities anymore. We all get to that point eventually, where we’re re-evaluating what we’re capable of doing. You know . . . stuff you used to be able to do. Running, jogging, standing without pain. Stuff like that.
Of course, similar things are possible when it comes to your mental processes. Someone who does well in school because there was a structure in place designed to motivate them may not do so well on their own, when there isn’t any pressing need to get things done, or quantitative reward waiting for them when it’s done. There are also people are afraid to push themselves, afraid to try, because they’re convinced that if they try their hardest and fail at what they’re attempting, the entire world will fall apart. To them, the ideal ‘what I *could* do’ that’s sitting in their brain is much more valuable than the experience of trying to do it. I’m not immune – in my mind I *could* have been a olympic gold-medal high-jump legend . . . if I’d put enough effort into it. I didn’t, and am not, but that little thought in my head remains . . . ‘I could have been’.
In either case, there’s moments when you discover something is preventing you from accomplishing something else. Sometimes it’s physical, sometimes it’s mental, and sometimes . . . if you’re really lucky . . . it’s both of those things twined together somehow. That’s where it really gets fun.
Felt a little sick last week, and I went to a clinic to get a little bit of advice about some symptoms that had been with me a while. When I left, I’d been told that my blood pressure was unreasonably high, and my asthmatic allergies had reached that point that doctors refer to as, “Really, really, really not good.” So, in addition to receiving some interesting new inhalation devices, I’m going off to the lab to receive a battery of tests, at which point I’m to go back to the doctor, find out all the things I’m doing wrong, and fix them.
I also have this unnerving feeling that I’m going to be told to exercise more, to spend more time in the fresh air, and to relax.
The last one is a little bit loaded, mostly because of the first two. Exercise becomes inherently scary when you experience heart palpatations, and no amount of ‘happy thoughts’ will prevent your heart from uncomfortably skipping a beat in your chest, nor will it prevent your mind from being flooded with thoughts of mortality every time it happens. Exercise to me is sort of the opposite of relaxation.
And then there’s the fresh air aspect – the only fresh air I know of is out there, in the real world, in parks and on streets and sidewalks and malls and whatever. Well, going out there is less than relaxing as well! That’s where the rest of the world lives, walking around like they own the place. That’s where *they* are! Seriously, am I expected to go out there, with them, ignoring all of the crap that they’re doing, forcibly restraining myself from punching deserving individuals in the face, over and over, again and again . . . *and* I’m supposed to relax?! Are you insane?
I’m not exactly a people person, if you haven’t already guessed.
No, this week is going to be all about figuring stuff like that out. It’s obvious I need to make some changes, and soon, but what specific changes I’ll be making isn’t apparent yet. There’s some I’ve already made, and probably for the better . . . but we’ll have to wait and see where it all leads. I’m interested to discover the answer. Whatever I’m about to overcome may be physical, or it may be mental . . . but we’ll have a crack at it regardless.
In other news . . .
Update: Black Glass, Chapter 24 – 25% done.
Yeah, thought you had me on the ropes there, didn’t ya? No sir . . . zipping away on it. With a little concentration I might even get the whole thing done by Wednesday, much like my previous goals, freeing me up for all sorts of Hamlet-ized goodness later on this week. An interesting thing has popped up here as well, not within this particular story, but as motivation for completing it. Details below.
Update: Ten Arrows – Outline redraft 85%
I’ve promised myself that I cannot begin word one of this story until I’ve finished draft #1 of either Pride or Black Glass. Probably the latter. So, the excitement about this plot coming together will be pushing me forward these next few weeks/months.
There have been neat little moments I’ve imagined with this story, and closing off a big gaping ‘why does he do that?’ sort of plot hole has re-imagined some of the scenes for me . . . and they’re even better than they were. The whole thing makes even more sense now, to the point where I have to go back and address all of the stuff that no longer makes sense, an action that will potentially trim the story down even further. That’s a good thing, trust me. When it comes to first-person writing, I can be a little bit wordy.
Uh, I mean . . . Vincent. Vincent can be a little wordy. Me? I’m the soul of brevity and wit. Yessir . . . I don’t go on and on like *that* guy. No-way, no-how. Why, I remember this one time, I-
